Rebirth requires learning /15 - By remaining, with loyalty and gentleness, within a conflict in which we find ourselves without seeking or wanting it, vocations mature.
by Luigino Bruni
published in Città Nuova on 11/11/2024 - From the magazine Città Nuova no. 11/2024
Charismatic communities are also places of conflict. Much of the quality and very survival of these communities also depends on their ability to care for and manage conflicts.
There are many forms of conflict. Even the Bible knows of several. The conflict between Cain and Abel, where vertical frustration (between Cain and God who rejected his offerings) becomes horizontal violence (towards Abel). The conflict between Joseph and his older brothers, where envy leads to the elimination of the envied. Or that between Abraham and his nephew Lot, due to the abundance of resources in a shared space that was too small, which was resolved by separation, thanks to Abraham's generosity in leaving Lot the choice of the land (Gen 13:9).
The conflict between David and Saul takes yet another form. God had chosen Saul as the first king of Israel. Then he rejected him and chose David. A real war began between the two, which saw David victorious and Saul becoming depressed and finally committing suicide. The conflict between David and Saul is the paradigm of the typical conflict that arises between someone, usually younger, who has received a genuine calling to carry out a task and finds himself faced with someone who is already carrying out the same task because of a calling received at an earlier time, and who sees the arrival of the newcomer as a threat and a dire message for his life and vocation.
This type of conflict is particularly painful for both parties, because it is a necessary clash of identities, where each believes they are (because they are) legitimately in their place.
These conflicts can only be resolved or prevented by the surrender of one of the two parties, which can take many forms – fear or weakness, or obedience to a new voice calling us elsewhere. In most cases, we fail to resolve these conflicts, or we resolve them too late and with serious mutual damage that ends up worsening us to the point of distorting and deforming our hearts. The biblical account of the war between Saul and David is therefore important because it gives us a paradigm of how these conflicts, so devastating and so common, can be handled well.
Let's take a closer look. We are in the first book of Samuel. Saul is fighting David. Warned of David's presence in the area, Saul takes three thousand soldiers and sets out in pursuit. Along the way, Saul enters a cave to relieve himself, but at the back of that same cave, David and some of his companions are hiding (Samuel 1:24). David's companions urge him to seize this opportunity of Saul's utter vulnerability (alone and with his back turned) to kill him. But David approaches Saul and, instead of striking him, “cut off a corner of Saul's robe, without his knowing it” (24:5). And he said to his companions, “May the Lord keep me from doing such a thing to my lord, the anointed of YHWH, from raising my hand against him” (24:7).
It is very beautiful, that piece of cloak in David's hand, which takes the place of the dagger. Saul is about to end his life, he knows it, and David gives him a gentle and docile end. David sees Saul's wickedness, but he respects him, calling him “my father, my lord.” And when he could kill him, he does not.
He prefers to remain in conflict rather than choose a simpler but less true solution. It is an invitation to learn to live with contradictions, to care for conflicts, to prefer a difficult non-solution that is more true to a solution that appears simpler only because it is less true.
To approach those who hurt us in silence, cutting only a corner of their cloak. Because it is also by remaining, with loyalty and meekness, within a conflict in which we find ourselves without seeking or wanting it, that vocations mature. It is these gestures of pietas that make our victories blessed, that make them something different from a power struggle.
David was chosen and consecrated king when he was still a boy. One day he became king, and he was the greatest of all. That costly and generous loyalty, learned and displayed in his conflict with Saul, made him the most beloved king, beyond his many faults and great sins. Even we, after great mistakes and infidelities, can hope to be forgiven by life, by God, by our friends, by the angel of death, if we have been able to respect an enemy, if we have not abused his vulnerability and our strength, if we have called him “father” or “friend” even when he no longer deserved it.
If we have done so at least once.
Photo credits: Photo by David Clode su Unsplash
